I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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