Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
