onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
