a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
wow bdsm is so cute
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
