you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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