I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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