thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
