You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
