so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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