whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
