Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
