Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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