i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
