I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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