I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
