Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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