Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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