Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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