I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
