just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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