TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
