worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
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I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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