Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
