I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
