Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
