She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
