I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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