rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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