Christians are straight up FREAKS
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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