So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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