Someone shit on the floor
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
