I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
