She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's like heaven, but drunker
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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