You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it