I think I died a long time ago.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
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he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.