well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm getting married
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.