I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.