My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize