Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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