Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
