I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
