whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my shit smells like andre
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
