Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
