i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am one with the molecules
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
