This is not my ceiling
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
