Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Randomize
