So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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