my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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