im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You don't make any sense
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