your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
someone threw a dead crab at me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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