btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
