you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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