I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
