Your face is a jimmy john
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize