3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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