I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
