You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
