Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
