You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
