i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
As shirtless as possible
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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