just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
