before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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