One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
