So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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