Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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