just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
