so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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