Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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