He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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